Mentors- The shortcut to success.

Some get caught up in the idea that they want to figure everything out for themselves. They hold on to a dream of breaking their own trail and finding success without the help of others.

While there is a lot of satisfaction that can be taken from this approach to life there is a better way to go about it. Mentors have been critical in my life, they have taught me so many things that took them years to learn and I have had the opportunity to jump ahead in my abilities and knowledge by piggybacking my ideas on top of their experience and guidance. You would do well to find mentors for every area of your life but especially when preparing to become a parent and in your career.

Mentors are people who have been successful in the areas you are just starting out in and people who are willing to share that knowledge with you. You can go at life pounding your head on the wall to figure out a problem or have a mentor show you where the door is. You can risk making some terrible mistakes raising our children or refer to a mentor to get a more experienced point of view.

The quickest way to find success is to reach a hand out to those who are already there and convince them to teach you all they know. You also have a responsibility to give that same hand up when people look to you for your experience and guidance.

Remember that we are all in this together.

Love,

Dad

Procrastination will destroy your life and steal your happiness.

Life is full of difficult problems and jobs that we really don't want to do. Our natural tendency is to avoid the difficult tasks and put them off over and over again until we are finally forced to face them or suffer consequences worse than the difficulties the job entails.

This attitude of procrastination and our constant desire to avoid the challenges in life does nothing but further complicate problems and will even increase your stress level and destroy your ability to enjoy life.

Procrastination and avoiding problems or difficult tasks will inevitably lead to stress, anxiety and pressures that wear you down and destroy happiness. Think about the times in your life when you had to do something you didn't want to do.

Almost without fail the process of dealing with difficult jobs or assignments follows the same course. It starts with the stress and worry of tackling the issue until you finally can't take it anymore and just get it done. You experience some discomfort and unhappiness while completing the task and then always feel much better after it is complete.

The amazing thing about this process is that the end result doesn't matter. The situation can work out wonderfully or some of the worst results possible may become reality. The fact is that either way you will feel better once you put the situation behind you and are now empowered to either move on or enjoy the fact that the job is no longer hanging over your head.

The hardest part of addressing a difficult situation is taking the first step. Generally once we are in the process of actually doing the work we realize that it was not as bad as we thought and often regret not handling it earlier because of the stress and pressure we have endured.

One of the keys to being happy is having the guts to tackle the tough parts of life first. If you have a job to do or a conversation to hold that you really don't want to complete you should make it a priority to clear off your To Do list as your very first action.

Allowing yourself to endure stress, pressure and dread in order to avoid a problem or particular job is self defeating and ultimately robs you of your life and happiness.

Now get out there and get it done.

Love,

Dad

Look all you want but sooner or later you have to leap.

Your life will be filled with decisions, some of them are very simple and have little if any impact on your life. These decisions range from which soda to have or where to eat lunch. Others will be a lot more important and have lifelong repercussions. How you handle the big decisions will steer the course of your life

It is critical to take the time to research your big decisions and gather all the information you can on a subject and the options you are considering. Gathering data and seeking advice is the only way you can really asses the risk/rewards of the decision and make an informed choice.

However, if you allow research to become an excuse to avoid moving forward in one direction or the other the risks can be far greater than a misstep here and there. Opportunities have a way of coming and going very quickly and those who become paralyzed by the fear of making a wrong decision end up missing out on the greatest this life has to offer.

Mustering the courage to take a leap of faith and go with your instinct has an inherent risk but a life with no risk is in danger of being no real life at all. Now, don't misinterpret what I am saying here because I am not talking about being impulsive or reckless. I am also not giving you a license to make decisions that you know go against your standards and what you stand for simply because their might be some reward especially if that reward is as insignificant as having a good time while doing the wrong things.

Don't allow your life to become limited by fear of commitment either to people or to the causes that matter most to you. Do your research, pray about it and then start marching forward because any direction is normally better than no direction at all.

Love,

Dad

Anticipate the Journey and Learn to Love the Ride.

"Anyone, who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is...Most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most marriages require a high degree of mutual tolerence, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is like an old-time rail journey, delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

President Gordon B. Hinckley

I know at times enjoying the ride can seem like a nearly impossible concept and at times we even seem to enjoy sharing the difficulties of our life with others and find ourselves trying to out do others stories of woe with our own.

Its important to understand that challenges, difficult situations and emotionally trying times are critical to our growth and self development. In fact, we learn very little about ourselves during the easy times in life. This is not because there are not plenty of lessons to gain from as we experience our easy times in life. Its because during the easy times we don't feel pain or anxiety and go from day to day focusing very little on what is going on around us.

Everyone's goal should be to gain as much knowledge and perspective during our time here on earth. We should then focus our talents and abilities to bless others lives and help them become better prepared for the challenges they will certainly meet in the future.

I have found that one of the very best ways to be thankful for the "Ride" is to become actively engaged in helping others through their hard times. If we keep ourselves actively engaged in helping we will find that we don't have time to sit and feel sorry for the hardships we are experiencing and our lives feel more fulfilled.

It is easy to get frustrated with the never ending line of challenges and difficulties we will face in our lives and when people allow themselves to focus on these areas alone they become sad and bitter people who gain very little pleasure from life.

Truth is that life is difficult and those difficulties are truly blessings that help us grow into the people we want to be. Take the time to step back from your personal challenges and look around you. I am confident that while you do this you will see people with burdens much greater than your own. The perspective this gives will allow you to set aside feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy the overwhelming happiness that can only come from helping others who are in a time of need.

Keep this question in your mind and heart always. How many people have I reached out to and helped today? If we make sure that the answer to this question is at least 1 then the day was successful even if it failed in every other way.

Love ,

Dad

Journal Entry- How I met your mother.

If you haven't been following the whole blog I need to take a second to mention that my main purpose to creating this is to document all the things I really believe in and key events of my life as a point of reference for my kids in case a time comes when I am not here when they need the advice. I also want them to be able to relive some of the defining times in my life that I believe helped make me who I am today. I recently had someone ask me if they were intruding by following along. To this I just want to say that if you find any value in what I have put down then it makes it just that much worth while and comments are always welcome.

Now on with how I met your mother and why she is the perfect person for me.

I still remember our first real conversation like it was yesterday. We were working in a call center at the time and I had worked my way into a role as a verifier. Basically I would run around and confirm that the customer really wanted to buy what was being sold. Now you need to know that good old dad was never what you would call a ladies man. Looking back now I can see where there was plenty of interest thrown my way but I was so shy that I rarely recognized it and even if I did I certainly wouldn't have acted on it.

However my new found position of "authority" gave me some confidence and forced interaction with the always intimidating and terrifying female gender. It is important to note at this stage I felt that your mom was completely out of my league and always got nervous and felt very awkward every time I was around her. After several months in my new position I had generated some interest and had a few girls that were interested in me and started dating a couple of them.

As it turns out the two girls I dated most frequently knew each other a bit and both of them knew your mom. Pay close attention to the next few paragraphs as they detail some very risky decisions and ultimately how I hurt some people without intending to.

Things were going fine with my dating life and I was starting to feel better about my prospects of finding love and having some great relationships. As I started getting more comfortable with myself and gained some confidence that some women would be interested in my I began finding reasons to talk to your mom. (Side Note- Every time I talked to her my heart raced and I had trouble thinking straight.) Over time we would eat lunch together in a group of our friends until one day at lunch I got the guts up to ask if she wanted to go to a party at my brothers house that night...sweaty palms, heart frozen, can't breath, want to die...wholly crap did she really just say yes.

So here is where the full difficulty of my situation comes into play. Remember that your mom knew the other two girls I was dating at the time and they knew each other. Unfortunately I still hadn't connected all the dots yet and was now dating 3 girls at the same time who while not always the tightest of friends knew each other pretty well all along not knowing I was doing so. To add to this complicated situation I found out while planning the night together that a year or two back she had actually been a pretty serious girlfriend of one of the guys who had hung out with our group before I joined in. In fact she knew my brother and the rest of my friends pretty darn good too.

So quick recap, I now have a date with a girl who knows the two other girls I am dating and is the ex-girlfriend of a guy that I now see pretty often but wouldn't exactly call a friend and who already knows the people I hang out with and I have of course no clue. Yikes, I was going to have to be quick on my feet if I had any hopes of this going anywhere.

I forgot to mention that I had already put our date plans at risk while still at the lunch where I asked her out. When I realized that she used to hang out with the group I was now friends with we spent some time talking about all the guys. As we worked our way through each one we eventually reached her ex-boyfriend. I told her I didn't know him real well but he had some crazy stories about and ex-girlfriend he had and I told her a couple laughing as I did. when I finished the last story I asked her if she knew this psycho girl back when she knew the guys...why is she looking at me like that...why isn't she answering me...oh no! As the realization sunk in that she was the "psycho" girl I had just been talking about my heart dropped through the floor. Here I am this big dumb idiot who just ruined his shot with his dream girl before it even got started. After what seemed like forever she laughed a little and said things didn't happen exactly how I had told them and asked if I still wanted to take the psycho girl out that night. Heck yeah I did and we made our plans to meet up later that night.

The party went well and we started seeing each other pretty regularly after that. For me things were going great I was dating 3 girls had a job I was happy with and had a great group of friends to boot. The problem with situations like this is that sooner or later the universe is going to strike back at you and the worst is bound to happen. For me the worst started out very innocently. Your mom told me a girl she knew was having a party and asked if we could stop by, sure I said why not.

Little did I know that each step I took towards that house was a step closer to the most uncomfortable situation I could ever have imagined. You may have guessed by now that as I walked into the party holding your moms hand the first people we bumped into were the other two girls I was dating. I actually felt like my brain began vibrating inside my head from the initial shock of the situation and the crazy scramble of the options and possible outcomes for my next move. Before I could say a word one girl ran to the bathroom crying and the other walked straight up to us and said she didn't care but the other one really liked me and I had probably broken her heart.

I thought how could I have broken her heart we were just hanging out and I had never even mentioned that we should go exclusive or anything. An important lesson here is that men and women look at relationships very differently and to build a happy life its important to take the time to learn and appreciate these differences.

So decision time was forced on me and I didn't need to think about it at all. I had only been dating your mom for a few weeks but already knew that she was the woman I wanted to share my life and build a family with.

We ended up dating on and off for a couple of years until my initial feelings were confirmed and the girl of my dreams became my wife.

I think it's important for you to know why I love your mother so much and the things that make me know I will love her forever.

• Something about the way she looks at me makes me feel like I can conquer the world. A smile from your mother fills me with more confidence and determination to take care of her than anything else in the world.

• She has a heart and cares about people and things with an intensity that I cannot even begin to match. Her heart is so big and she loves so fully that you can't help but be drawn in by her.

• Watching her be a mom makes me love her more and more every day. She dedicates so much of her time and energy to making sure that you all have what you need in life. She has endless energy in caring for our family and seems to always know what we need even before we do.

• Her big brown eyes that captivate me and make me ache to know exactly what she is thinking.

• The way she constantly encourages all of us to take risks and grow in who we are. She confidently marches into new situations confident in her ability to thrive in any environment.

• The way she loves the Aitkens like they are her natural family.
• Her generosity with time and money, she always is looking for ways she can help
• She laughs at my stupid jokes.
• Her hand fits perfectly in mine.
• She stood by me when I was out of work and trying to find direction in my life.
• She stands her ground when she knows what is right.
• She forgives me when I am silly and insensitive.
• She tells me the same old stories over and over and over again.
• She really means it when she says I Love You.
• She cares about my health and wants to keep me around.
• Her skin is so soft and smooth.
• She actually likes to talk with me and will listen to my "Hero" stories.
• She is a girly-girl.
• Her hair always smells good.
• She makes me feel invincible.
• She misses me when I am gone.
• She tolerates my addiction to email.
• She is supportive of my career.
• She loves being a wife and mother.
• I love the freckles on her shoulder and the fact that I remember the camping trip that caused them.
  
• That she likes to collect scrap booking supplies more than scrap booking.
  
• She speaks about her grandparents all the time and tells our kids how much she still loves them.
• She turns on the light for my parents when she knows they are out late.
  
• She is passionate.
• Her laugh and smile.
• The fact that she has actually been stabbed. (It's okay it was in the leg and a long time ago.)

This list could go on and on but I want to sum it up with one last reason and that is because as time goes by I keep discovering more reasons why I love her and cannot imagine a life without her by my side.

I love you Candice,

Dave

Slow down to appreciate those who love you.

The world has a way of grinding you down with the daily onslaught of remedial tasks, constant challenges and the stress and pressure of everyday life. We have a tendency to get caught up in small problems and make them the focus of our existence ignoring the very reason we fight these battles in the first place.

The most valuable and sweet reward of life is the ability to love and be loved. Everyone has experienced that little rush of excitement you feel when you are doing something special for someone you care about and the anticipation of their reaction to your efforts.

When we spend a lot of time with people it is easy to let ourselves focus on the things they do to annoy us. We let the very small annoyances or habits cloud all of the wonderful traits that person has. Over time as we allow ourselves to focus on the negative parts of their personality or physical traits that quickly becomes all we can see.

Unfortunately, family members are not immune to this fact and often get the worst of the deal. The other thing we need to understand about ourselves is that we have the very same tendencies to focus on our own deficiencies and parts of ourselves we wish were different and we quickly forget the importance of loving who we are.

Like I said before its easy to allow the world to dominate our lives and distract us from the things that really matter. We live from problem to problem rarely taking the time to appreciate those who are cheering us on and pulling on the yoke with us. Take a moment right now to think about the people you love and the ones who overlook your weaknesses and love you even though.

Stop the crazy dash from problem to problem and spend some time really telling those special people in your life how you feel about them. Make a point to do something nice especially when it is unexpected. If you can focus on the wonderful points about a person you will find that the negative things disappear and will be a happier and more fulfilled person as you realize that you are surrounded by simply amazing and wonderful people.

Work hard to stop the habit of focusing on the negative. As you emphasis the positive things in the people you love you will find that those things magnify and the small annoyances almost become endearing.

Love,

Dad

Dinnertime, its not just about stuffing your face.

With the fast paced life we all live it is easy to start to see dinnertime as somewhat flexible. It seems as though our lifestyles have pushed us to eating our meals on the go with little to no family involvement.

This has poured over in the homes of many families where mealtime involves picking up your plate of food and then carrying on with whatever activity you were doing before. Many families have prioritized television over good interaction with each other and are doing so at a very high price.

Meal time is a unique opportunity we have each day to put away the outside world and focus on the people who should mean the most in our lives. As you take time to share your daily experiences, tell jokes, and enjoy each others company you are building bonds that will stay strong through your entire life. You will also receive important feedback and clues as to how your kids are doing in school, life and relationships and create wonderful opportunities to provide guidance and help them grow.

The simple act of eating dinner together helps to strengthen your relationships with your family and will make everyone more comfortable with approaching one another for advice or with a problem because its simply the way your family does things.

Don't allow yourself to save a few minutes by eliminating this from your daily routine. Not only will you be losing some important time to get to know each other, more importantly you will miss some of the most precious memories you could have.

Love,

Dad