Journal Entry- You'll shoot your eye out.

Hey Guys,

I was thinking that you might like to hear some of the experiences of my life from time to time along with the boring lecture type stuff.

Growing up in Randolph Utah there were certain things young guys were just expected to have and do. We moved to Randolph from SLC when I was around 7 and soon learned I was in a whole new world.

One of the things all the guys had was a BB gun and I was simply dying to have one of my own. I remember clearly the look on my mothers face when I told her about the gun I wanted and the dread I felt as she told me her answer without saying a word. She then went on to explain all of the really good reasons why a kid my age shouldn't have one. Of course this did little to sway my desires and I persisted for what must have been an unbearable amount of time over the next few months.

I don't know exactly what changed her mind but I know at the time my dad was not as opposed she was. I imagine I wore her down and between dad and my moms constant desire to make us happy finally won out and I received my gun that Christmas.

The rest of the Winter was spent dialing in my aim in the back yard shooting targets for hours on end. An interesting side note to that first Winter was how tight money was. I got very good at setting my targets up in a way that would allow me to gather the BB's up after and reuse them.

After a long cold winter of target practice the time finally came to go shooting at some pot guts (rodents) with my friends. We loaded up in the back of my friends parents old pickup truck and about 10 minutes later we were dropped off in a field to begin our hunt.

I still remember the excitement I felt as we hiked up into the field and the determination I felt to show off my newly developed skills to my friends. As we passed through the gates to the field we noticed some large sprinkler pipes used to water the farmers fields. Knowing this would be a good hiding place for our intended targets.

In hind sight the next move was pretty stupid and put a big exclamation point on why kids shouldn't have guns especially without supervision. As I walked to one end of the 20 foot pipe my friend went to the other. We both looked through our ends of the pipe and sure enough there was what we were looking for. I told my friend to step aside because this one was mine. He did so and I took my first and only shot at a live animal. I predictably missed and stepped back to reload, during my slow reloading process my friend grew tired of waiting and decided to take a shot of his own.

As it seems to happen in life he chose to fire his shot right as I stuck my eye up to the pipe to prepare for my next shot. Unfortunately for me my buddy loaded his gun with a pellet rather than the traditional BB. A pellet is shaped in a cone so that it capture all the air from the rifle. In addition pellets are heavier so this combination creates a projectile that travels much further with a higher velocity than a regular BB.

The next few moments went by very fast and it took me some time to realize what happened. I remember looking through the pipe, seeing a flash and feeling a lot of pain. My first thought was that I had just got my eye shot out and fear shot through me like I had never experienced before.

My friends ran over knowing I had been hurt by the what I am going to say manly scream I let out. So there we stood a bunch of kids 7 and 8 years old in a field trying to figure out what in the world we were going to do. There was a lot of blood running from my eye area and after probably 10 minutes I still didn't dare actually open my eye. It was during this really confused scene that I turned my head to look towards town and had the most painful and strange experience. As I looked towards town a strong wind picked up and I felt like I had been stabbed by a needle straight through my brain. I also heard a sound like blowing into an empty bottle but much quieter.

When I finally got the guts up to open my eye I was overwhelmed by relief that I could still see out of it. The pellet had hit me about a quarter of an inch above my left eye and had actually created a hole in my skull. We all laughed with relief and spent another hour or so shooting our guns and and retelling the story.

As the time came to get picked up we realized that we were going to have to tell our parents what had happened and our time as hunters would be brought to an end. It was at this very desperate moment that I had a strike of genius and formulated the plan that would save our necks and more importantly our beloved guns.

This is one of the only times I have lied to my mom and this experience taught me how dangerous dishonesty can be. My brilliant plan was to tell our parents that I had stumbled while walking and as I fell I hit my eye on the site of the gun. This would explain the cut, the blood and actually cover any bruising that would occur.

As I expected my plan went off without a hitch and we skated out of troubles way without even a lecture. I even got a little extra attention that night which in a family the size of mine was not easy to come buy. I went to bed thinking of how smart I was and how smoothly I had averted trouble.

The next couple of days went buy without event and we began to feel like we were in the clear. Again, life has a way of catching up to you when you aren't doing the right things and the situation changed in a quick and very dangerous manner.

You see we had assumed that the flash I saw immediately after I was hit was the pellet flying out bouncing off my thick skull. If that were the case the plan I laid out would have went off without a hitch. The problem was that the pellet had actually buried itself deep into my skull and lodged there. This would be problematic on its own but it became further complicated by the fact that the pellet was made of lead and started causing major swelling and irritation in and around my left eye. I can remember hoping with all I had that the swelling would just go away but after a few days knew I had to come clean and tell my mom what had happened before it got any worse.

I can remember how scared, embarrassed and ashamed I felt telling the story as it had actually happened. I felt terrible for lying to her and didn't know how she was going to react, I was sure that it wasn't going to be good regardless.

this is one of the many times my mom surprised me as she snapped into action and rushed me two hours to SLC to the hospital. There was no screaming and yelling or long talks of disappointment just action and determination to make sure I was okay.

I was taken to Primary Childrens where they took an X-ray that clearly showed the pellet lodged in my skull. At this point we found out just how lucky I was because any number of factors would have caused the damage to be much worse and even fatal. The pellet had stopped about a millimeter before punching all the way through and lodging into my brain. This meant that if the pipe would have been just a few feet shorter I would have been in serious trouble. If the shot would have been a quarter of an inch lower I would have certainly lost my eye and half inch higher would have lined it up with a thinner part of my skull where it certainly would have penetrated in to my brain as well.

the procedure was fairly simple to get the pellet out and the physical wounds healed quickly. The things that stick with me to this day are the emotional wounds caused by the dishonesty to someone who loved me so much and the stupidity of putting myself in serious danger by not listening to someone who knew more about life than I did. On top of that I took an even greater risk by not telling exactly what happened causing the situation to get much worse.

Ultimately I had to face the music and listen to my mom explain how scared she was and how disappointed she was in how I handled the situation. Nothing has ever impacted me like disappointing someone I love especially people like my mom and now my wife who are amazingly good and loving women. Of course I lost my gun from this situation and managed to prove myself responsible enough to earn it back a few years later. I never again shot a gun around others and the situation killed any desire I had to hunt for good.

The lessons I learned from this experience still serve me today. I learned that little white lies as they are called can actually turn into life threatening situations. I learned to listen more to people who have more experience than I do because it can save you a lot of pain. And most importantly I learned that a mothers love overlooks so much and is one of the most precious gifts in the world.

Love,

Dad

Words are sharper than you think.

I remember when I was little I learned a little rhyme that we would use when someone said something mean to us. It went "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."

While it's certainly true that words cannot do real physical harm to another person we need to stay very aware that the emotional damage they can cause is often more painful and long lasting then most of the physical pain we will experience in our lives.

I have had my share cuts and bruises in my life and experienced some significant pain from car accidents and surgeries over the years. As I think back on these experiences I can remember a lot of details about each of them and even remember that they hurt at the time. What I cannot do is feel the pain as sharply as I did back then and have largely forgotten about it over the years.

I wish the same were true with the emotional pain I have felt over my life from kids teasing me when I was young to rejection and criticism I received in my adolescent and professional life. The major difference between physical and emotional pain is our ability to relive the full depth of emotional pain long after the events themselves have faded. You will find that emotional pain has a way of creeping back into your life even during good and happy times. Small things may trigger the negative feelings and drag you down with surprising speed and power.

To be a good person we have to consider the way our words and actions affect others. You then have to develop the character it takes to consider others feelings when communicating with them.

It is very easy to make others laugh by putting someone down or making fun of them for things as silly as what they wear, how they talk or simply what neighborhood they may be from. We find ways to tease others from the time we make our first friends right through to the end of our lives. Its surprising that we never seem to make the connection between how badly we feel when we are on the receiving end of these hurtful words and the pain we cause when we are the ones delivering them.

Over time we allow this hurtful nature to penetrate every aspect and relationship in our lives and build a reputation of someone who cannot be trusted. While we may laugh and have fun with someone who is tearing someone else down we are also wondering if they do the same to us when we are not there.

Over time these "jokes" build up resentment in our friends and family and ultimately erode our relationships down to a shadow of what they used to be. To be a good friend we need to spend our time building others up and making them feel good about themselves and their abilities. You will find that by focusing on the good things about people and speaking them aloud you will help that person realize their potential and build relationships that endure.

By taking the time to consider the emotional impact your words will have on others you also develop the ability to maintain control over difficult situations. When we let hurtful words enter into disagreements we build up walls and make it very difficult to find common ground.

You are responsible for building up your character and becoming a person that can be admired not only for your accomplishments but for who you are as well. A big part of this character is learning to control your words and present information in a manner that makes people feel good about you and try to understand your point of view.

Consider your words carefully and use them to build others up whenever possible.

Love,

Dad

The Art of War- Winning the relationship battles.

Arguing seems to have become an acceptable way to communicate for many people. In fact, a lot of families use raised voices and angry tones more than happy and loving ones. It is easy to understand why life gravitates this direction when you consider how different we all are as people and the stress and pressures we all experience in our daily lives.

We all have a tendency to automatically assume that our point of view is the only correct one and that if someone disagrees then they are either stupid and don't understand or are just trying to be difficult. The problem you will run into with this perspective is simply that your life experience really cannot provide a true understanding of all the options in the world.

In fact, the people who go at it alone in life and don't take the time to really understand another's point of view generally fall far behind those that do.

Now I titled this post the art of war and followed it with the word winning. It is important to understand that when I say the word win I do not mean that all disagreements will end in your favor. As hard as it is for us to admit many times we are the one in the wrong and need to adjust our behavior and apologize for our actions or thoughtlessness.

Our relationships with those we love need to be the most cherished of our possessions. It's amazing how often we take for granted the people in our lives that do the most for us and treat strangers or associates with more respect and kindness than our own family. This is an easy trap to fall into because we often feel worn out by life and don't want to take the time to properly package and communicate when we get home.

So what does all this have to do with winning? In my opinion the very best way to win an argument is to avoid it beginning it in the first place. I am in no way suggesting that you give in and give the people you love whatever they want whenever they want. Just like you sometimes they are just plain wrong and need to recognize that fact.

I am suggesting that there is a better way to get to this understanding and that is by learning to solve Problems together rather than allowing disagreements to pull you apart. The first step to showing love and respect is taking the time to listen and really try to understand the others point of view.

I want you to picture the face of the person you were last in an argument with, it shouldn't be too hard for most of us because it was most likely very recent. Really analyze their face and ask yourself this question.

"When I am speaking are they listening to me or thinking about what they are going to say next?" We all probably know the answer to this and unfortunately most are thinking about how they plan to respond.

Now I need you to honestly answer this question "When they are speaking are you listening to them or thinking about what you plan to say next?" If we are honest with ourselves the answer is likely that we are thinking about our next rebuttal to the argument.

The final question is simply "Does anyone really ever win an argument?" The sad truth to this question is that it extremely difficult to convince someone of your point of view when in a heated argument. The second our negative emotions take control of the situation the argument becomes more about not giving in and our feelings than the problem that started it all. We are likely to say things we regret in the heat of the moment and have to make amends afterward. Ultimately an argument ends with a statement like "fine do it your way" or "whatever" and the weaker person or the one less passionate about the issue gives up.

The person who got their own way will often feel like they have won but they don't take the time to count the costs of this type of victory. When you force your will on another person especially one who loves you a small piece of resentment builds up inside of them. Over time these small pieces that are harmless on their own pile up into huge mountains that kill love and destroy relationships.

So to really win we have to learn to approach our issues as a problem that needs to be solved together. As two people who love and respect each other sit down and discuss an issue doing their best to keep emotions from escalating out of control solutions can be found and agreements on a course of action can be made.

You also need to take the time to really consider the others point of view and try to understand why they see things the way they do. I think we have all had that experience in life when someone explains their point of view on a situation and a little light bulb goes off in our head. We will often say things like "I have never looked at it that way before" or " I have never seen it that way". We move forward from moments like these a stronger more intelligent person and build a better bond with the person who helped us grow.

If taking the time to see something from others point of view will often make us stronger and more intelligent it seems to make sense that we would want to seek out these opportunities as often as possible. The very least we will gain from this exercise is a better empathy for what our loved ones are feeling and a perspective that will help us explain our point.

The relationships with those you love and who love you really are the most important thing in this life. Love is not something we are entitled to because we were born into a family or worked hard early on to find a spouse. Love is the greatest gift someone can give you and deserves your very best effort to build and preserve.

Love,

Dad

It really doesn't matter how full the glass is.

A lot of people like to divide our world into those who view the glass as either half full or half empty. The point they are really trying to make is that there are people who look at life with a positive outlook and focus on the bright side of every situation. Then there are tthose who choose to look at the bad side of everything and end up building themselves a miserable existence.

The truth is that it doesn't matter how full or empty the glass is. What you really need to understand is that the magic is in being happy that we have the glass at all.

Look at it this way, the glass is our life and the amount of water in it at any given point represents the things we view as good and positive.

If you spend life focusing on the things you don't have (like the part of the glass that is empty) then all you will build for yourself is an empty life. The problem with this type of outlook is that the habit of looking at the empty part of our lives is very hard to break and you will eventually reach a point where you feel bad even when your glass is very full.

The reverse is also true, if you spend all of your time focusing on the good things and blessings in your life you will find that you can appreciate the times when there is very little left in that glass and be grateful for what you do have.

Life is a wonderful gift we have been given and it is ours to do with what we choose. The easiest way to have a successful life is to learn to appreciate the wonderful people and blessings you have. Spend your time looking for people who have situations that are more difficult than yours and offering them a hand up. You will find that your perspective and attitude stay on a good course and your heart will remain full as you help others.

If you spend your life always looking at those who have more than you, wondering why or feeling like you have been cheated. Then that's exactly what you will get, cheated out of all the great things that were happening all around you. You will ultimately feel bad about yourself and your situation. This turns people into bitter and miserable beings that spend time trying to drag others down.

Dad

Peaks and Valleys- The art of pushing forward.

Hey Kids,

This blog is written for you and any others who stumble on it. My hope in writing this is to share with you the things I have learned to this point and share some of the great things life has to offer even when times seem difficult. Over time it will become more and more clear that our lives are full of peaks and valleys. The peaks are the great times when things seem to be going our way and its easy to feel happy and content with life. The valleys are the more difficult times when there are problems with family, school, work, friends, money, whatever.

One of the great truths of this life is that we are constantly traveling forward and will experience many of these peaks and valleys over the years. The peaks are wonderful and like I said before its easy to take for granted all the beautiful experiences we go through. Unfortunately these wonderful times are always interrupted with the valleys (bad times) of life and recognizing the good and beautiful times while in these valleys becomes difficult.

The trick is to take the time to recognize that no matter how hard the challenges of the moment may seem, you really are pushing forward towards the next peak and happier times. To have a happy life we need to understand that happiness is in our perspective and how we choose to look at the challenges we face. It's true, it is a lot easier to see all the wonderful things in life while you are standing on the peaks. It is even easier to focus on the difficulty of the journey while we are down in the valleys of life. During hard times its common to allow yourself to indulge in feelings of hopelessness and depression that will cloud all the good things around you.

No matter how big the challenge or daunting the problem there is always more good in life than bad. We just need take the time to set the issue aside and focus on what is good in our lives. Problems are never as bad as they seem while in the middle of them and taking a moment to gain perspective can really help.

I clearly remember a time early in my career when I was really stressed about some issue that has since been forgotten. After expressing my stress and worries to a wise friend and mentor he interrupted me and said that he wanted me to answer a question. The question was simply "What will any of these problems matter a hundred years from now?" The truth is he could have changed the 100 to 2-3 years and it wouldn't have changed the answer. The truth was that it wouldn't matter and I needed to take some time and readjust my priorities and stress management skills.

When I am faced with challenges now the first thing I do is ask myself is this a problem or a catastrophe. In life we have both but the emotions required by each should be very different. Often we face the problems of life with the emotions of a catastrophe and that clouds our ability to focus, think and ultimately perform. Sometimes life throws genuine catastrophes our way and they can be very painful and difficult to get through. The loss of loved ones is really the only thing I see as a catastrophe anymore because they cannot be regained during our time here. I also view this as a catastrophe for those left to live without them as they certainly have found something better.

The rest of life is full of problems and they can be relentless. However, how you face a problem makes all the difference in the world to how well you work them out and how long you have to endure the challenge. The process of problem solving is surprisingly easy and simply needs you to keep your head and take action. My personal plan at handling a problem no matter what area of life I am focusing on is the same. The first thing I do is write the problem down and create two columns. In the first column I list the worst case scenarios of the problem along with the spin-offs of the issue. In the second column I list all of the solutions I have at my disposal and what each of the will take to execute. Often my solutions column feels a little wanting and I start to worry what I will do next.

At times like these it is important to have an established network of mentors in your life that will have experiences and insight that I simply do not have. A simple discussion with people you love and trust will usually open doors you never even realized were there.

Once you have everything down in front of you it is much easier to select a course and go to work. The biggest key to fixing problems is to start doing something constructive to point you in the right direction. If you spend your life doing the same things over and over then it is silly to expect that anything will change for the better.

So during life's valleys look around and recognize all of the great things and people you have in life who love you. When you are up on the peaks of life make sure you take some time to stop, look around and appreciate all of the great and wonderful things you are blessed with.

I love each of you more than you can understand at least until you have kids of your own.

Love,

Dad