Words are sharper than you think.

I remember when I was little I learned a little rhyme that we would use when someone said something mean to us. It went "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."

While it's certainly true that words cannot do real physical harm to another person we need to stay very aware that the emotional damage they can cause is often more painful and long lasting then most of the physical pain we will experience in our lives.

I have had my share cuts and bruises in my life and experienced some significant pain from car accidents and surgeries over the years. As I think back on these experiences I can remember a lot of details about each of them and even remember that they hurt at the time. What I cannot do is feel the pain as sharply as I did back then and have largely forgotten about it over the years.

I wish the same were true with the emotional pain I have felt over my life from kids teasing me when I was young to rejection and criticism I received in my adolescent and professional life. The major difference between physical and emotional pain is our ability to relive the full depth of emotional pain long after the events themselves have faded. You will find that emotional pain has a way of creeping back into your life even during good and happy times. Small things may trigger the negative feelings and drag you down with surprising speed and power.

To be a good person we have to consider the way our words and actions affect others. You then have to develop the character it takes to consider others feelings when communicating with them.

It is very easy to make others laugh by putting someone down or making fun of them for things as silly as what they wear, how they talk or simply what neighborhood they may be from. We find ways to tease others from the time we make our first friends right through to the end of our lives. Its surprising that we never seem to make the connection between how badly we feel when we are on the receiving end of these hurtful words and the pain we cause when we are the ones delivering them.

Over time we allow this hurtful nature to penetrate every aspect and relationship in our lives and build a reputation of someone who cannot be trusted. While we may laugh and have fun with someone who is tearing someone else down we are also wondering if they do the same to us when we are not there.

Over time these "jokes" build up resentment in our friends and family and ultimately erode our relationships down to a shadow of what they used to be. To be a good friend we need to spend our time building others up and making them feel good about themselves and their abilities. You will find that by focusing on the good things about people and speaking them aloud you will help that person realize their potential and build relationships that endure.

By taking the time to consider the emotional impact your words will have on others you also develop the ability to maintain control over difficult situations. When we let hurtful words enter into disagreements we build up walls and make it very difficult to find common ground.

You are responsible for building up your character and becoming a person that can be admired not only for your accomplishments but for who you are as well. A big part of this character is learning to control your words and present information in a manner that makes people feel good about you and try to understand your point of view.

Consider your words carefully and use them to build others up whenever possible.

Love,

Dad